Sue Yin’s Diary- 12.11.11 – 15.11.11


Dear Diary,

I happened to meet the guy in the park again by chance today. I learned that his name was Julian. Julian thanked me for my little help yesterday and he was utterly gratified about it.

“The sleep I had yesterday was heavenly. All this while I have been like a sleepwalking zombie who’s not in peace and you solved my problem, just like that!” he chattered.

He seemed cheerful and I noticed the glint in his animated blue eyes. I was glad to see the change in his attitude. Perhaps God did hear my prayers after all.


I met Julian in the town’s library. He found me reading Jane Austen’s ‘Pride and Prejudice’ at the ‘Timeless Classic’ section. I could not contain my surprise of seeing him here. Fate is definitely playing with the both of us. He was reading a science fiction paperback which I couldn’t recall what the title was. We exchanged our views on the books we were hooked with, even argued a little bit since none of us willing to accept defeat. The defeat of who was going to lose the the ‘best book’ debate. The result was ‘stalemate’, a chess term Julian had used to describe the situation after being interrupted by the frowning librarian. We had a great laugh together after she was gone from the scene.


When I was having my usual evening walk in the park, I saw Julian sitting under a shady tree. He seemed to be waiting for somebody. Curious, I tapped his shoulder playfully from the back and said, “Who’s the person lucky enough to keep a gentleman willingly enough to wait for his or her presence?” He just smiled sheepishly in return and avoided eye contact with me. He replied shyly, and most unexpectedly, ” Em….you, Sue Yin?” Indeed I was not expecting such response from him. It was as if he treated me as his…friend. I warmed over his niceness for me.


Today’s dusk was a splendor. Dusk was a delicate transformation from sunset to night fall. The clouds were puffy and pink, blending in with the soft baby colors of the picturesque sky. Witnessing the beauty of nature which was beyond reach, I was sparked by the sudden urge to be a bird to soar freely among the clouds. What does if feel like, I wonder, to fly and to do all things desired without being chained by human’s incapability and vulnerability? Sometimes, I wished to be the wind; to let the air current spontaneously takes its course to anywhere it has in mind. There are so many things occupying the world that are still unseen and undiscovered. But why must my mortal state hinder me from exploring all these?

Life is unfair. I am getting weaker day by day. Even Julian has observed how pale my skin was. He remarked jokingly that my face was ghostly pale and likened to a vampire’s marble-white complexion. Today, we discussed our favorite songs. He told me that he played the guitar and even performed ‘Better Man’ by Robbie Williams on school stage before. I was impressed. We watched the sunset together, with my head against his back. The moment was beautiful and magical despite the fact that my soul was slowly slipping away as time passed. Even when my body felt weak and heavy, almost fainting.


Sue Yin’s Diary- 11.11.11

Dear Diary,

I met a guy today who told me that he had insomnia. I was having a late evening stroll in the park when I came across a person’s silhouette against the silver moonbeam. In my heart, I was wondering what was running in the guy’s mind. Intuitively, I walked towards him and patted his shoulder in a friendly gesture. He turned and when my gaze met his, I realized his eyes, as enigmatic as a blue rose, were sad and desperate. We started a light talk and I was glad that his mood improved. We chatted endlessly, like river water flowing fluidly with ease. It was not long after I discovered about his best friend’s death and his trouble with insomnia. I felt sorry for him. At the same time, I envied him too. I have never had someone so close to me whom would appreciate the person I am. I remember him saying this while he was trying to stifle his sobs,” ..he was incontestably the most understanding person I have ever known.” I knew that he meant every word he said. He was truly a loyal friend and judging by the way he spoke about his lost friend, he clearly adored him and valued his very existence. Unlike me, a girl to be forgotten after she heaves her last breath.

I helped him to cure insomnia by asking him to sweep the fallen dry leaves on the ground. He did not seem in doubt and I felt a trace of trust dawning between us. He was a gracious man, I thought. We swept for hours under ethereal night sky till he grew tired and decided to take a rest in the nearby hut. But he finally dozed off the moment he crossed his shoulders on the marble table and buried his face in it. I watched him sleeping soundly, secretly feeling content that I had done a meaningful deed by freeing this guy from insomnia. He was a good guy, and he deserved to live better than a life full of pessimism and regret.

Time certainly flies when we scarcely keep on track with it. I wonder whether I should be counting hours or days. It wouldn’t change anything though as the cluster of cancerous cells would not refrain itself from multiplying further as every second irreversibly deducts from the unknown amount of time I still have. I have so little time yet there are still so many unaccomplished dreams awaiting me. 

God, if you can hear me, grant these two wishes of mine.

First, give me more time.

Secondly, help the guy to revive his spirit so that he could see the bright side of life ahead of him.